I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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