Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
