my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
