Fuck appropriateness.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
