Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
