just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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