The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
