Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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