She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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