oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
