what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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