I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
