I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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