He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
