Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
