How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
