On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Randomize
