Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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