im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
