I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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