Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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