Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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