Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
