the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
