is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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