i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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