Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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