I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
