Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
