Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
