So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
