my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
