Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
