My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
