If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
