you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
