don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
