Sponge bath it is.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
