So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
