Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
