just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
