didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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