I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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