is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
