When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
