I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
