I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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