So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
