recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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