is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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