I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
